1st grade

Maren went to 1st grade today.  I could tell she was so nervous, but she was trying to be tough.  She got up early today and brought her clothes downstairs that she wanted to wear.  She says that the girls on her shirt are her cousins so that's why she loves this shirt.   We got her ready and then we drove her to school....she didn't say anything on the way there.  We got out of the car and She just stared at the school.  She hasn't wanted to hold my hand lately because she is too cool to hold my hand these days, but as we were walking into school she grabbed my hand and squeezed...and I squeezed it back.  We got inside and I took a few pictures and then we walked to class.  I started having a panic attack inside because I kept thinking, she's going to get lost in this school.  We walked her back outside and I wanted her to walk to her class by herself so I knew she knew where she was going.  She had no idea where she was so I'm sure for the next week I'll be walking her into school to make sure she knows where she's going.  I kept thinking to myself I just need to rip the band-aid off and get it over with.  I don't know why it was so hard letting her go today.  I guess I just felt like a chapter in my life with her is over.  I know a new one is starting, but it just feels like it's time to start letting her go a little.  It's the best thing for her and I obviously wouldn't want it any other way, but it's just different.  For so long I have had these little kids and they have needed me so much, and now I feel like I'm turning her over and telling her she's ready.  She is ready, I have no doubt in my mind she's ready, I just feel like I'm not.  I'm happy for her and I know she'll be happy at school all day and I know I'll get used to her being busy and being at school.  I feel like I'm completely over reacting about this :) but I guess I am entitled to a melt down every once in a while right?  By the way no tears were shed, by either of us.  I'm pretty proud of myself!